If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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