Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize