I heard we made out
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
