For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
