I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I believe in your delicious
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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