i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
