from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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