you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
