I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
