I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
