Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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