I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
