You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
she peed on how many people?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize