I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
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