He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
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