All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
