I should be sponsored by Trojan
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
