A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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