we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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