U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
