you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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