what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
