Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
