New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
