Already got asked if we're dating
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
