I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
