I like my sex mixed with concussions.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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