I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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