I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
