I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
