nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
