i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
