Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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