Will you blow on my dice?
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
