It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I'm having to shit out rocks
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
