Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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