I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
