you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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