i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
