like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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