So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Porn is love you can see.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
