Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
