Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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