he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
