Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
