i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
MIDGETS
????
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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