Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize