you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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