My friends, they love my intelligence
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
