your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
