I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Randomize
