Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
