someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
