I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
