Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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