you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
