I accidentally burped into my bong.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize