Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
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