i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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