he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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