If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
