If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
