she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
