they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
and you said cock pushups were impossible
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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