I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
